TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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