Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
