chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
