Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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