Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
