i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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