Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
