my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
