the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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