she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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