I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what day is it and did you see me today?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
