Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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