I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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