video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
