and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
