did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
