I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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