Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
