i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
