WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
