CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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