Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize