I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
