I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
