I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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