We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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