Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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