I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
