we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
