i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She told me I should be a condom model.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
