she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
