Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
