The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
