i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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