yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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