Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize