Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
