Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
