just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
