we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Congratulations! We have a period
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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