i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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