Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
