Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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