There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
