I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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