just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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