it was like his penis was on wheels.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
