I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize