Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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