My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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