you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
