Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
