Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
