tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize