Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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