Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
