My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
