Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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