TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
