I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What drink are we having for lunch?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize