It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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