I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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