i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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