Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
