yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize