Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
