You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
