I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
