Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize