I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
