If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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