I'm really into asian looking animals
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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