the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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