I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
