Cold hands, warm shart.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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