Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
