Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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