Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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