im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
