I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
