Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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