He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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