i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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