2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
