If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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