I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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