i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
