So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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